Keeping Tabs: What's Going On at the National Enquirer

You know what I'm tired of? Politics, at least for this week. Why don't we relax and check out the hard-hitting headlines at America's last objective news source, The National Enquirer?

Well, right off the bat, I see that Larry Hagman just died. In Dallas, of course. It's funny how a guy who was famous for two iconic macho roles - astronaut and Texas oil man - had such a, uh, twinkly quality in real life.

Hope Solo, who is some kind of women's soccer star (sorry, I missed the Olympics this year) is getting married to a former pro football player who seems to have been arrested on his wedding day for --- beating up his soon-to-be wife and some of her male relatives. People always tsk-tsk over women staying with their abusers - bad role models for young girls, and all - but hasn't it become obvious that (a) some women enjoy these sorts of relationships and (b) their "communities" approve of them on some level?

Halle Barry's ex-BF and current BF got into a brawl at her house (this is at TMZ, but I couldn't stand not to use it), no doubt egged on by their nutty mutual inamorata. (Check out Berry's crazy look at the link. She looks like a skinny Adam Lambert). Nothing like drugs, sexual jealousy, and Frenchiness to get the sap running.

John McAfee is still on the lam in Belize. What I can't get over is that he only made $100 million from the sale of his software. I drive by the McAfee building all the time. You'd think the guy who "built that" would have another zero next to that number.

There's a new theory that OJ was not the murderer of his wife and her waiter. Rather, the deed was done by a serial killer named Glen Rogers who just happens to be on Death Row, and has decided his new hobby is making up crazy stories.

Did you know that Thursday was the 49th anniversary of the Kennedy assassination? That's just not a big deal any more, is it? Also, the Enquirer says "questions remain."

A "blockbuster" tell-all book - is there any other kind? - purports to blow the lid off of Elizabeth "Bewitched" Montgomery's red-hot sex life, including passionate affairs with the likes of Dean Martin, Gary Cooper and Elvis; further evidence in support of my long held theory that there was plenty of sex to be had before the Sexual Revolution.

Kristen Stewart was spotted eating lunch with Ben Affleck. (Don't worry! He's just casting a movie!) Am I alone in thinking she's the least attractive "sex symbol" of the modern era?

Add Dawn "Mary Ann on Gilligan Island" Wells to the list of celebrities gone to seed. My recollection is that Ginger - the loose sex siren - was, in real life, a conservative Republican. So, the "good" girl was bad while the "bad" girl was actually OK. H'wood is congenitally incapable to casting to type.

Matt Lauer is supposedly heading forcibly out the door from the Today Show. Apparently, the show's female audience doesn't want to watch a guy who cheats on his wife (including an affair with married co-host/hussy Natalie Morales) and gets his female co-workers fired. The morning news format has to be the most overrated of them all: too many "regulars;" an ackward mix of hard news and soft Martha Stewart-type stuff; the anchors never do well away from their AM thrones. But, the anchors are a WMD that the media can deploy one time to destructive effect - like, say, when you need to "destroy" a female conservative - so you still have to watch out for them.

The 74-year old Jane Fonda has called off her forthcoming wedding. Not to rub it in, Baby Boomers, but in a couple years, Hanoi Jane will be the same age as Henry was when he died.

Mrs. Petraeus is getting ready to file for divorce. I guess she's decided it's too late to "fight for her man" given how much she has let herself go.

Regardless of how badly Patraeus behaved in betraying not just his family but also the military and all of the civilians who supported him during the "Betray-us" days, it's also a measure of the low, dishonest era we are living through that he has acquired household-name status via a sex scandal, rather than through winning the Iraq War.

Randy "Macho" Comacho has died after being shot in the face. If he had survived, he could have made PSA's about not sitting in cars with guys carrying packets of cocaine in their pockets.

And, Christina Aguilara fell down and split her pants. Might be time to invest in some Muu-Muu's.

Bedroom Farce: The Petraus Matter Gets More Ridiculous

I know the Petraus scandal is Serious Business, but I dare you to read the following without laughing:

The federal agent who launched the investigation that eventually led to the resignation of CIA director David Petraeus was taken off the case during the summer over concerns that he "might have grown obsessed with the matter," The Wall Street Journal reports. 

The FBI agent began the inquiry on behalf of a friend, Jill Kelley, who reportedly received about a half a dozen hostile emails from Petraeus' mistress Paula Broadwell.The agent referred the matter to a cyber crimes unit but was prohibited from any role in the investigation after the FBI found out that he sent shirtless photos of himself to Kelley, people familiar with the probe told The WSJ

Btw, Mr. Shirtless was, apparently, the whistleblower who contacted Congressmen David Reichert and Eric Cantor back in October after he became concerned his superiors were going to sweep the Petraus matter under he rug.

Ms. Kelley is something else, it seems. The general presently in charge of our retreat from Afghanistan also sent inappropriate emails to the Central Command's sexiest unpaid "social liason."

In a new twist to the Gen. David Petraeus sex scandal, the Pentagon said Tuesday that the top American commander in Afghanistan, Gen. John Allen, is under investigation for alleged "inappropriate communications" with a woman who is said to have received threatening emails from Paula Broadwell, the woman with whom Petraeus had an extramarital affair. 

Defense Secretary Leon Panetta said in a written statement issued to reporters aboard his aircraft, en route from Honolulu to Perth, Australia, that the FBI referred the matter to the Pentagon on Sunday. 

Panetta said that he ordered a Pentagon investigation of Allen on Monday.
A senior defense official traveling with Panetta said Allen's communications were with Jill Kelley, who has been described as an unpaid social liaison at MacDill Air Force Base, Fla., which is headquarters to the U.S. Central Command. She is not a U.S. government employee.

Despondent conservatives have been muttering post-Election that "we are Europe." Certainly the Petraus matter has the air of a French bedroom farce.

UPDATE: turns out, the "shirtless" photo was a gag sent out years ago to a number of people on Agent Chest's email list.

That's Lena Dunham's "when you do it the first time, do it for Obama" ad that queasy conservatives have been mocking all day. Watching it, I am struck by a number of questions:

Does Lena Dunham like it rough?

Has she ever done the walk of shame?

Does she have trouble finding contraceptives?

How many people watched this and wanted to see her naked?

Are Today's Young Men attracted to mannish-looking, vaguely lesbian-ish, girls?

Are we supposed to believe this asexual tart actually has "Experience?"

If she does have "Experience," doesn't it seem likely that her's was a one-night stand with a tall dark stranger?

Sorry to reduce her to her sexuality, but, uh, wasn't that the point of the ad?

Does she know what the Lily Ledbetter Act does?

Are the three most important issues in American life birth control, Lily Ledbetter, and gay marriage?

Anyone thinks it's weird that Lena Dunham's name sounds earily like Stanley Ann Dunham?

Anyone ever seen these pictures of Mama Obama?

Do Democrats think single, college-aged women do anything besides f*** and get tatoos?

I've asked this before, and I'll ask it again: the GOP may be the Stupid Party, but what do you call a party that has Ivy Leaguers crafting arguments designed to appeal to stupid people?

UPDATE: These comments at Althouse are classic. "The first time Romney governs you, he might scare you a little. Because he's a Republican, and he knows how to do things..."

Question Authority: Sheriff Mirkarimi's Guilty Plea

I continue to be surprised that San Francisco Sheriff Ross Mirkarimi's domestic violence scandal hasn't captured the fancy of right-wingers beyond the Bay Area. While the GOP has supposedly been waging some kind of "war on women," Mirkarimi's pre-trial maneuvering led to the revelation that he not only was a cad, but also got rough with other women in the past. Mirkarimi has copped the inevitable guilty plea, and appears poised to keep his job (the local media has already begun the "let's move on" drumbeat), but the DA claims to be dissatisfied: 

San Francisco District George Gascón said today he is not convinced Sheriff Ross Mirkarimi really believes he is guilty of the misdemeanor false imprisonment crime he pleaded to earlier this week, and will raise his concerns with the judge at sentencing Monday. 

"There is a guilty plea here and I know there's almost an attempt (by Mirkarimi) to deny that this has occurred: 'I didn't really do this. I'm being forced to do this.' That's very concerning to me, to be very honest with you," Gascón said in a meeting with The Chronicle editorial board. 

"We're going to address this on Monday because we're not in the custom, not in the habit, of taking a guilty plea from somebody who is not guilty," he added. "If the defendant in this case believes he is not guilty, then we should go to trial and let a jury decide."

Amazing, especially as Gascon, who used to be chief of police, is undercutting not only Mirkarimi, but also his own deputies who negotiated the plea. 


The biggest joke in all this is that Mirkarimi was elected sheriff to begin with. The guy is a typical San Francisco Green without a minute of law enforcement experience (although he did manage to graduate from the Police Academy). The sheriff's job is to run the jail, enforce evictions, guard the courthouse, etc. It's a serious, workaday job, not the sort of thing you like to see grandstanders and poseurs take on after being termed out of their previous elective office. Having Mirkarimi elected sheriff was unseemly enough, but the current groundswell of support for the idea that everyone should just move on is even less seemly. 


Dems might squawk about GOP "violence" but when one of their own actually manhandles actual women, suddenly the situation is much more "complicated."


  

Scandal Sheets: What's Going On With The Sheriff Mirkarimi Trial?

I've been so distracted by "slut-gate" that I haven't had a chance to comment on the domestic violence trial of SF Sheriff Ross Mirkarimi. Mirkarimi and his wife swear up and down that he did nothing wrong and this all a big misunderstanding, but that hasn't stopped them from trying to keep out two key bits of prosecution evidence: the videotape of Mirkarimi's bruised, tearful wife & testimony from an ex-girlfriend who says Mirkarimi bruised her arm. That's their right, of course, but all of this effort hasn't prevented some unsavory information from coming to light. 

Ross Mirkarimi forcefully grabbed his then-girlfriend's arm hard enough to leave a small bruise during a heated argument four years ago "without really realizing he was doing it," and then let go quickly and apologized after she yelled out in shock, according to newly released court documents. 

Christine "Christina" Flores, who dated Mirkarimi for about 1 1/2 years starting in 2007 when he was a member of the San Francisco Board of Supervisors, has taken the stand twice to offer pretrial testimony in the domestic violence case against Mirkarimi, who was sworn in as sheriff in January. 

The prosecution, over the objection of Mirkarimi's attorneys, wants Flores to testify to show a pattern of abusive behavior leading up to the alleged incident involving his wife, Eliana Lopez, for which he faces three misdemeanor charges.

You'll never guess what Mirkarimi and his ex were fighting over. 

The court recently released a transcript of her testimony that described how Mirkarimi was verbally abusive to her, and how on one of those occasions, in February 2008, they fought after she found another woman's pair of underwear in his home and he got physical and grabbed her, pushing her against a wall, after she threatened to leave him.

That's the difference between the right and the left, I guess. We may label some women as sluts, but leftists treat women as sluts. 

Downfall: Nadia Lockyer Story Reaches Its Nadir

When Alameda County Supervisor Nadia Lockyer's sex-drugs-motel-beatdown first broke, I fearlessly predicted that the story would get a lot uglier. Since then, Lockyer has entered a substance abuse program, while the sordid details of her depraved sexual relationship with a meth addict (whom she met in a previous rehab stint) have surfaced, along with some frankly deranged texts and emails. And now, the surest sign that we are close to rock bottom is here: there is a sex tape. What can you say but "Jesus Christ?"

We're told that a sex tape of Nadia Lockyer and the man was given to her husband, state Treasurer Bill Lockyer, about six weeks before the Newark incident. The treasurer believed that the man, who has a history of arrests for alleged methamphetamine use, might make the tape public if forced to break off a romantic relationship with the supervisor.

Here's the story, as we've pieced it together from sources knowledgeable about the law enforcement investigation into the Newark incident and the events that preceded it.
After receiving the sex tape and viewing a string of text messages between his wife and the man over the past three months, Bill Lockyer privately contacted Alameda County District Attorney Nancy O'Malley - a personal and political friend of the treasurer and his wife. Lockyer was at wit's end as to what to do about his wife, and he hoped to persuade prosecutors to seek a court order barring the man from approaching Nadia Lockyer. 

Bill Lockyer's argument was that his wife was being stalked by the man, a 35-year-old San Jose resident whom he portrayed as a former boyfriend of Nadia Lockyer.
The investigation went nowhere, however, because prosecutors came to believe that Nadia Lockyer, 40, and the man were engaged in a consensual relationship, based partly on text messages and X-rated photos found on her computer.

Oh, and the sleazy boyfriend (whom the Chronicle resolutely refers to as an "ex-boyfriend" despite overwhelming evidence that these two drugstore cowboys are still together) says that whatever injuries Lockyer may have suffered were the result of self-defense; he says Nadia attacked him. 

The man, a construction worker, says his relationship with Nadia Lockyer has lasted more than a year, beginning when the two met at a Kaiser outpatient rehab program in 2010. Sources say she was enrolled for abusing alcohol and he for meth addiction. 

The man also says he and Nadia Lockyer have communicated with each other since the hotel incident. 

As he tells it, Nadia Lockyer invited him to visit her at the Homewood Suites on Feb. 3, where records show she had checked in. 

He also says it was Nadia Lockyer who instigated the fight that night, because she suspected he was involved with other women.

Also, Stephen Chikhani says that Nadia and Bill have been lying about their relationship to the police and Alameda DA. 


Nadia Lockyer and her husband are political figures, but it's hard to treat this as a political story, except to say this: there is no way people around Nadia - like, say, her husband and her staff - were not aware that she was a troubled soul with serious psychological problems. She was in rehab in 2010, the same year she was running for office (and spending $1M of her husband's campaign funds). A normal person would have difficulty balancing a demanding full-time public job with being a mother to a young boy and wife to the State Treasurer. An unbalanced drug addict? Forget it. 


Also, what is going on with the Chronicle? They are not only stubbornly continuing the charade of calling Chikhani an "ex-boyfriend;" they won't even identify him by name because he "has not been arrested" (although he just got out of jail on Santa Clara County...), a standard of discretion and circumspection I had not previously been aware and a courtesy that would certainly not have been extended to a member of, say, Sarah Palin's family. Also, one not shared by other Bay Area media who have identified Chikhani and given him a chance to talk, rather than repeat Lockyer's spin. 


This is a tragedy playing out in semi-public. Nadia Lockyer was living a double life, and now the two strands have irretrievably collided. I can understand the Lockyers' desire, shared it seems with the Chronicle, to try to sweep things under the rug, but that's not going to do anyone any good. Nadia Lockyer is, by any definition, unfit to serve in any capacity. It's questionable whether she can even be an effective wife and/or mother. But, trying to preserve her shattered political career will do no good for anyone, let alone her. 

Rough Trade: What's Going On With Bill Lockyear's Wife?

Odd doings in the East Bay, as a member of the Board of Supervisors for Alameda County, who is married the State Treasurer (and former AG) was apparently beaten up when she met up with a former boyfriend at a Newark motel. Yes, you read that right:

Alameda County Supervisor Nadia Lockyer, wife of state Treasurer Bill Lockyer, was "violently assaulted" by an ex-boyfriend she met up with at a Newark motel after the Lockyers fought, her husband says. 

Newark police confirmed to us that they investigated a "politically sensitive" incident Feb. 3 after receiving a late-night 911 call from the motel on Newark Boulevard. When police arrived, they found a woman who was "despondent," a police spokesman said Friday. 

Police would not identify the woman, but Bill Lockyer confirmed that it was his wife.
He said he and Nadia Lockyer had recently been separated but had gotten back together before the Feb. 3 incident. 

The trouble that night began when they were arguing over the phone, he said. Nadia Lockyer hung up and headed off to the motel to meet with her former boyfriend, Bill Lockyer said.
She portrayed the boyfriend as "a troubled person," he said. "She thought he was having a crisis and she thought she could get him to calm down and to be OK and not to threaten suicide. 

"And he turned out to be angry ... and she was violently assaulted by someone she was trying to help," he said. 

But she wouldn't have gone to the motel, Bill Lockyer said, if he hadn't said "something to her that was unkind and hurt her feelings. ... That's what caused her to go."

I'm leaning on treating this less as a political story and more a psycho-sexual one. Nadia Lockyer made her name as an attorney with an interest in domestic violence issues, and yet here she is apparently getting beaten up herself by a romantic interest. I'm sure there are people out there who are just baffled that an  beautiful, accomplished wife and mother (and daughter of a prominent Latino civil rights attorney) would end up making her way to an anonymous motel to meet up with her ex-boyfriend with a criminal record. Attention bafflees: chicks dig jerks. It's just the way of the world. Don't make me expand on this any more than I need to. 


It's hard to know what effect this odd story will have on Lockyer's career, not to mention her marriage. I guess she's lucky that the police are treating this as a "politically sensitive" case, but don't seem to be turning over every stone looking for the ex-boyfriend who has conveniently vanished from the face of the earth. And, I guess she's lucky her husband* is loyally blaming himself from for driving her into the arms (and fists) of said boyfriend via some unkind comments made over the phone. 


Right now we are being carefully spoon-fed information, but what little we know is sordid enough. The fact is that members of the Board of Supervisors, whether of Alameda County or anywhere else, probably shouldn't be meeting up with their ex-boyfriends-with-criminal-records at motels, whether in Newark or anywhere else, if that is, indeed, what happened. And I kind of have my doubts. Isn't it odd that the wife of California's former AG would have a boyfriend with a criminal past? And isn't it odd that, though we know of the boyfriend, we don't know his name or have a picture? (the linked article lacks both) Doesn't anyone want to catch this guy? Or is he just a fall guy for the real story as to how Lockyer ended up getting roughed up at a motel, rather than staying at home with her husband and child?


Look for this story to get a lot uglier.


UPDATE: right on cue, Nadia Lockyer has announced she is entering a program to treat an unnamed chemical dependency. 

Lockyer, 40, the wife of state Treasurer Bill Lockyer, said in a statement that she entered a “wellness and recovery center” last week for treatment of the unspecified chemical dependency and “my injuries from the assault.” 

She also said she was being treated for “chronic pain from a past debilitating car accident,” without giving specifics. 

“Alcoholism and addiction are diseases from which many of us suffer, and unfortunately I have not been spared,” Nadia Lockyer said. “I understand that the public and the press have an interest in the health of their elected officials. That is why I am publicly disclosing my medical condition and that I am seeking treatment.” 

The statement did not say how long the treatment may take, only that she planned to continue “doing the work I was elected to do.” 

Few details have been released about the incident that apparently led Lockyer to enroll in the treatment center. 

According to Newark police logs, a 911 call came in at 2:40 a.m.  Feb. 3 from the Homewood Suites on Cedar Boulevard regarding an altercation involving a man and a woman.
“The male left prior to officers arriving,” the log said. “The female suffered injuries to her head and neck. She was medically treated.”

Again, it's all the fault of the evil ex-boyfriend who continues to go unnamed and unphotographed despite  everyone's professed desire to catch the SOB. And, you've gotta love the discretion and circumspection with which the media is treating this story. If a Republican politico's wife was beaten up by her drug dealer at a motel...


*who gained a degree of fame in his AG days by blustering that he wanted to prosecute Enron's Ken Lay and then introduce him to his cellmate "Spike." Haw! Haw! What an ineffectual little man. 

Leverage: Why Is Sheriff Mirkarimi's Wife "This Way/That Way" About Pressing DCV Charges?

A theory is developing as to why it is that San Francisco Sheriff Ross Mirkarimi's wife was willing to allow "Ivory Madison" to videotape a bruise on her arm, allegedly caused by the sheriff, but then refuse to press charges against him. She may have been trying to create a get-out-of-jail card in the event of a custody battle over their son. 

Ever since domestic abuse allegations were raised against San Francisco Sheriff Ross Mirkarimi, one mystery has been why his wife would let a neighbor videotape her damaging story and proceed to deny in public that anything was wrong. 

The police affidavit in support of Mirkarimi's arrest warrant that came out Tuesday provides an apparent answer - Mirkarimi's wife, Eliana Lopez, wanted the videotape as leverage in case he tried to gain custody of their young son. 

Lopez allowed her neighbor, Ivory Madison, to videotape a bruise Jan. 1 that Mirkarimi allegedly inflicted on her the day before. She told Madison that Mirkarimi had acted violently toward her once before and that "I (have) been telling him we need help," the arrest warrant affidavit says. 

Lopez told Madison she needed the video "just in case" Mirkarimi tried to win custody of their 2-year-old son, the affidavit says. Mirkarimi "is very powerful and he can do it," the affidavit quotes Lopez as saying.

Madison, of course, screwed up this brilliant plan by taking the tape to the police, and the investigation left the station without Ms. Lopez. If it makes her feel better, Lopez does have (temporary) custody of the Mirkarimi child; the DA obtained a restraining order against the sheriff which effectively separates him from his family. Nice, under the circumstances. 


Deborah Sanders also reminds us of another high-profile San Francisco public safety officer who was involved in a DV mess a few years ago:

As a point of interest, a San Francisco department head has survived a similar episode. In 2005, the husband of S.F. Fire Chief Joanne Hayes-White called 911 and accused his wife of hitting him on the head twice with a pint glass. He told dispatchers he wanted to file charges. According to the Chronicle story, the husband feared for his children’s safety. 

A second dispatcher came on the line, and said: “Sir, you’re saying that your wife is Joanne Hayes-White, the fire chief?” 

“The fire chief,” White replied. “She just hit me in the head with a pint glass, twice.”
He then said he wanted her out of the house. Asked whether anyone else was in the home, White said: “My three children are, yes, that’s why I’m afraid of it.” 

Later, the Chronicle reported, the husband recanted as: 

Hayes-White told police that her husband had hit himself over the head with the glass, investigators said. 

District Attorney Kamala Harris chose not to file charges.

"Hit himself over the head with the glass??" Presumably after walking into a door? I guess the attitude back then was, hey, Irish lady fire chiefs, whaddayagonnado?

Sleeping With The Enemy: SF's New Sheriff Arrested for Domestic Violence

I know that we've all been distracted by the GOP primary but I'm surprised the story of San Francisco's newly elected sheriff being arrested on a domestic violence charge hasn't received wider notice:

As San Francisco Sheriff Ross Mirkarimi fights three criminal charges stemming from accusations that he physically abused his wife, he also is battling for his political future.

District Attorney George Gascón on Friday charged Mirkarimi with domestic violence battery of his wife, child endangerment and dissuading a witness in connection with an incident that prosecutors believe happened on New Year's Eve.


"No one is above the law," Gascón said. "Whether this was the elected sheriff or any other San Francisco resident, this type of behavior is inexcusable, criminal and will be prosecuted."

The sheriff was booked and released from the jail he oversees on $35,000 bail. He will probably be arraigned on Tuesday.

Mirkarimi, who was sworn in as sheriff less than a week ago, said he is innocent of the charges and refused to step down while the legal case plays out.

"I believe in the system. I've said that all along," Mirkarimi said. "I believe that these charges are very unfounded, and we will fight these charges. I'm confident that in the end that we will succeed in showing the missteps."

"Sheriff" Mirkarimi was elected to office last November, and was sworn into office just last week. He is no law enforcement officer. Rather, he is former member of the Board of Supervisors who was termed out of office, and looking for another elective post. Color me skeptical as to whether an SF Green could ever be an effective sheriff, although it looks increasingly unlikely his term will last 4 weeks, let alone the full 4 years.

The DV charge arose after his wife, Eliana Lopez, who is some kind of Venezuelan soap opera star, went to a neighbor's house to commiserate over a New Year's Eve fight between the couple, and the neighbor - an attorney with the improbable name "Ivory Madison" - saw a bruise on the wife's arm that the wife admitted was caused by Mirkarimi grabbing her during the argument. Ivory took some pictures and went to the police. Supposedly, Lopez is not enthusiastic about making charges against her husband. Then, again, she was seen wandering around the periphery of an anti-Mirkarimi rally last Thursday, so I think it's safe to say she is of two minds on the issue.

(btw, what kind of social justice can there be in the world when a whiny progressive like Mirkarimi can be married to a Venezuelan TV star and be elected sheriff, despite a complete absence of any crime fighting experience?)

Mirkarimi says he's going to fight this thing tooth and nail, which is fine, but who is he fighting? It's not like evil Republicans are making trouble for him. Some of the earliest calls for him to step down have come from his (former) supporters! Is he going to call his wife a liar? Or his neighbor?

Like it or not - and count me in the "not" faction - Mirkarimi is a law enforcement officer, which requires a higher standard of behavior than we typically expect from politicians, even by the lax standards of San Francisco. Among other things, the Sheriff's Department operates the jail, transports prisoners, and provides baliff's for SF's courtrooms. The SF Superior Court's presiding judge already refused to swear Mirkarimi in precisely because of the seriousness of the charges against him. The longer this goes on, the more Mirkarimi and his colleagues are going to run into these sorts of awkward problems. Having Ross Mirkarimi serving as San Francisco's sheriff was already something of a joke. This mess pushes things up to the level of tragic farce.

Coppin' A Feel: The Herman Cain Sex Comedy

We have reached the inevitable "Gloria Allred Press Conference" segment of the Herman Cain sexual harassment Long March. This time there is a woman - Sharon Bialek - who has made a specific allegation of being groped by Herman Cain back in 1997. No one should be groped without permission, of course, but Bialek seems to be one of those women who approaches powerful men looking for work, finagles plush hotel suites and expensive dinners, and then acts shocked when someone makes a pass. 


Bialek is also a "registered Republican," but she is also from Chicago and registered with the GOP back in ...2006. Not exactly a Reaganite. After watching Ray LaHood, not to mention George Ryan, I'm thinking maybe being a Republican in Illinois doesn't mean the same thing it means in the rest of the country. Also, registered Republicans are well known for their ability to get Gloria Allred to return their calls. 


Still, she's out there, showing her face, and making credible allegations of - maybe not harassment, but certainly infidelity. But that's not what I want to talk about now. 


We all know who Willie Brown is, right? Former Speaker of the California Assembly, and then two-term mayor of San Francisco? Never ran for President (for reasons we'll get to in a moment), but was generally viewed as the most powerful politico in California for the better part of a decade. His power and untouchability so frustrated California conservatives that we passed the term limits initiative to get the guy out of office. 


Brown was, and is, the consummate politician; a deal maker and wheeler-dealer who knew how to get things done. 


He was, and is, the consummate ladies man; a natty dresser who always had a beautiful woman on his arm. Usually blond. Almost always much younger. The perks of power, you might say. Brown even had a child out of wedlock toward the end of his term as mayor. Did he marry the pretty blond lobbyist who was his baby mama? Oh, man! You have a lot to learn about life!


Again, not of this is secret information. The "Willie Brown has slept with everyone at City Hall" story is well known in San Francisco. When he got his mistress pregnant, the local media was circumspect and discrete, although you still heard some chortling about "Willie."


Less well known is that Brown is married, and has been since the 1960's. That's right, the swinging "bachelor" of San Francisco politics is a married man. Of course, he hasn't lived with his wife in decades, but they've never been divorced either. I'm sure they have their reasons. But, the fact is that Willie Brown is a married man who has serially cheated on his wife for years. Funnily, that has never impacted his career in quite the same way that allegations of similar behavior are presently impacting Herman Cain's.


Now, I don't follow people around so I can't tell you what goes on behind closed doors (or behind tinted limo windows). Maybe Willie Brown was always a gentleman and never groped where he wasn't wanted, but I kinda doubt it. Womanizers tend to stay in business through sheer volume, if you know what I mean, sticking their hands into a series of square holes until they find a round one. Gauche, I know, but that's the way of the world. Lucky for Willie Brown that none of his unwilling gropees ever called Gloria Allred, huh?   

Look, we all know the rules. If you are a Democrat, you can troll for bed-mates as much as you like. But, if you are a Republican, you can't. It's that simple. Anyone's sex life can make them look ridiculous in the harsh light of day, but we're the only ones ever held up for ridicule. 

A Public Caining: The Herman Cain Sexual Harassment Allegations

A few weeks ago, I wrote this after Herman Cain began rising in the polls. 

Btw, I thought Cain (or Santorum) would "shock the world" by running strong in Iowa, but it seems Cain's moment is now, and not four months from now. That means the media will be "vetting" him. In other words, they'll be seeking damning quotes from every disgruntled employee, disappointed corporate rival, and bitter stripper ex-girlfriend (I kid, I kid) that they can find. These are never our republic's finest hours. In fact, they are some of our worst as the elites among us broadcast rumors and innuendos as if they were dispatches from the Somme. Hope Cain is ready for it. I also hope he is ready to fight back in the manner of Clarence Thomas, rather than flinch away in the manner of virtually every other GOP politico unfortunate to have gone through this process. 

Can't say that this was a brave prediction. Any conservative with the popular touch, especially conservative women and minorities, are vetted and re-vetted every single day until their careers simply collapse under the weight of anonymous attacks and over-hyped gaffes. (needless to say, no liberal - from the president on down - could survive half as long as, say, Sarah Palin were they to receive the same media treatment as conservatives). We all know the game here. So long as Cain was a back-bencher languishing in single digits, no one cared. Once he started rising in the polls, the "vetting" began. 


The charge of sexual harassment is a serious one, of course, but the way so many liberals, and even many Republicans have flamboyantly recoiled at the charges underlies how silly sexual harassment as a concept has become. That's not to say that some women are not harassed in a "sleep with me or you're fired" kind of way, but I don't think it's out of line to say that we've learned a few things since Anita Hill testified on Capitol Hill. For one thing, women do lie about sex, contrary to the feminist claim that "women don't lie about this." If women have been willing to lie about being raped by prominent men*, then they will certainly lie about some sort vague "discomfort" around a man who just happens to be prominent enough to warrant a five-figure settlement in lieu of litigation. 


More important, I want to know who the women expressing litigious discomfort, and liberals chortling over conservative "hypocracy," are kidding. Yeah, men make unwanted advances, but they also make advances that are happily reciprocated. That's especially true of the classic powerful-man-with-harem who seems to be at the top of every power structure you can think of whether of nation states, multi-national corporations, or the local Taco Bell. Technically, it is "wrong" for middle aged men in senior management to date their nubile twentysomething underlings but...it happens. A lot. And we all know this. Not only that, it's especially prevalent in "liberal" industries like the media, the universities, and Hollywood. (Not to mention left-wing politics. Everyone was scandalized when they learned that Gary Condit had been sleeping with Chandra Levy. Come on! That sort of relationship is practically a rite of passage for politically engaged progressive women).Sorry to drop so much cynicism about sexual politics in one paragraph, but to watch liberals put on their Serious Concern Faces over vague allegations of "discomfort" from ten years ago brings out the worst in me. 


For his part, Cain is fighting back: sitting for interviews, answering questions, and defending his honor. Give the guy credit for bravery. He doesn't know the identity of his accusers, the contents of the settlement agreement, or the allegations against him; but that hasn't stopped him. If he's been telling the truth, he has nothing to worry about. But, just one tiny bit of bad evidence and he's toast. 


* the official Free Will Position is that rape accusations against prominent men are simply never true. I would sooner believe that a prominent man killed someone, than that he raped them.  

The Plague Years: The Sickness In the Souls of the Left

Bill Maher has taken the Left's practice of degrading conservatives to a new low. On Friday's edition of Real Time, he and his guests discussed having violent "hate sex" with Michelle Bachmann and ... Rick Santorum?!

DAN SAVAGE, SEX ADVICE COLUMNIST: They're grifters and scumbags, the Bachmanns.

[Applause]

BILL MAHER, HOST: Grifters and scumbags.

SAVAGE: Yes

MAHER: Not just one or the other.

SAVAGE: They're not charming grifters like in the movie.

MAHER: No, no.

MARC MARON, COMEDIAN: I don't want to be crass but I just hope that Marcus Bachmann takes all that, you know, rage that comes from repression and denial and brings it into the bedroom with her. I hope he f--ks her angrily because, because that's how I would. And I've thought about it. I just…

[Laughter and applause]

MARON: …It's a political statement I'm trying to make.

SAVAGE: Just so we get, just so you don’t get charges of sexism, because only Michele Bachmann was involved, I sometimes think about f--king the s--t out of Rick Santorum.

[Laughter and applause]

SAVAGE: Because I think…

MARON: I’m with you.

SAVAGE: …he needs it. So, it’s not, it's not just women we’re talking about f--king. Like, let's bone that Santorum boy.

MARON: Alright. Let’s video it.

SAVAGE: I’m up for whipping up some santorum in Santorum

We don't indulge in too much evangelical finger-wagging around here, but that whole sequence is disgusting. Indeed, the above conversation is as pure a display of troubled diseased souls at work as you are likely to see. Jim Hoft isn't kidding when he says this is straight out of Satan's playbook. (you also have to love how "sex positive" types like Savage demand tolerance for their proclivities, yet use those same proclivities to demean their opponents. almost like they think there's something shameful about non-marital sex).

It goes without saying that the Left isn't targeting Michelle Bachmann with crass sex talk because of her stance on gay rights. It's because she is an effective critic of the president and his fiscal policies, and much more the "adult in the room" when it comes to trying to protect the country from further harm. If America's welfare state survives this latest bout with an ascendant conservative moment, they will probably need a long shower to wash off the stain of their victory.

Compact DSK: Rape Case Against Strauss-Khan Falls Apart

The "Rape Case Against DSK Falls Apart" story is a few days old, but I didn't want to neglect mentioning that Free Will - along with the motley crew of Stogie, Ben Stein (who wrote a precient and much-mocked piece early on), and Bernard Henri-Levi - expressed skepticism about the whole thing:

Much as I would like to believe that the "socialist" (as if he could survive 5 minutes under real socialism) head of the IMF actually sodomized a hotel maid yesterday...I find it hard to believe.

...

DSK is no stranger to sex-capades, which I have discussed before. That's the magic of being a "socialist." You can live like an old-fashioned potentate, so long as you mouth the right words about equality and justice.

Still, a rape accusation is a harsh thing, something that has already ended DSK's career at the IMF and likely ended his political career as well. The details are so bizarre - supposedly a naked DSK entered the room, found the maid, and ordered her to give him a BJ (what, no teabagging?) - as to be almost incredible. If he really did do this, it can't have been the first time.

My basic rule of thumb is this: rape accusations against famous people - even when their "fame" is that of BMOC at Duke - are always bogus. Always. I would have sooner believed DSK killed the maid, rather than believe that he raped her.

That doesn't mean he didn't have sex with her, but it was Kobe Bryant-style, consensual sex with the woman deciding after the fact that she would use her (double entende alert) brush with fame to her advantage. The whole thing reeked of a set-up, but whether DSK was the object of an old-fashioned shake-down by petty thieves, or was the target of darker forces (French secret service? Goldman Sachs? Irene LaGarde?) remains to be seen. I suppose the wealthy DSK could have bought off the maid, but I find that to be as incredible as the original rape charge.

Whoever set him up knew that DSK already had a reputation as a roue who liked to rough-up women, so it wouldn't take much to convince many people that DSK had forced himself on a poor hotel maid who was a devout Muslim (with a little prostitution on the side). I doubt this will change his habits, but he really ought to consider whether shagging the help is really in the best interests of his political career, no matter how much the French are willing to look the other way.

And let's not forget a basic fact long obscured in the murky world of the war between the sexes: for every outraged feminist writing about "power imbalances," and the like, there are a dozen women for whom the idea of rough sex with a powerful man is a real turn on. The reptillian DSK had a lot of willing partners over the years, after all.

In a way, the system "worked." DSK was originally accused of a serious crime by a hotel maid. Prosecutors and the police investigated it seriously. And when doubts set it about the credibility of the accusation, they investigated that, disclosing everything along the way. There's something admirable in that.

On the other hand, there's nothing admirable in how DSK was handled. Haul him off the plane at LaGuardia? Sure, he was an obvious flight risk. A perp walk? Unseemly under the circumstances. A rape accusation is an instant reputation destroyer and should be treated as such. And two weeks on Riker's Island instead of house arrest? Totally gratuitous. For the short time DSK was in the clutches of the justice system, he was abused for no better reason than to show that, hey, we treat everyone equally around here. Equally shi**y, I guess. Never mind the presumption of innocence.

The fact is that there is something seriously wrong with the way rape accusations are handled in the United States. The man is publicly displayed like an animal while the woman remains anonymous. Supposedly this is to make up for the Bad Old Days when a woman would find her reputation under assault from defense attorneys. But, rape arises from the often hidden world of sexual politics where miscues and regrets often hold sway. A woman walking down the street who is raped at knife-point is not "asking for it," but those sorts of stranger rapes are relatively rare. Mostly, we seem to deal with the dreaded "acquaintance rape" where the woman's motivation and consent are very much at issue, no matter what Katha Pollit and Susan Estrich might say otherwise.

None of this is to defend DSK's "lifestyle," if you want to call it that. The man's a pig. But, we don't put pigs in prison. And we don't ruin men's lives to satisfy the crocodile tears of the feminist mob.

Spit It Out: How The Respectable Media Covers Republican Scandals

Good catch by Newsbusters: CNN covered the Schwarzenegger love-child story in every broadcast hour, but one. Care to guess which hour?

Elliot Spitzer's, of course.

I won't even ask which recent sex scandal CNN failed to mention in one of those roll calls of recent political sex scandals.

Alas, Babylon: Governator Fathered Secret Love Child

Now that Arnold Schwarzenegger is out of office, I guess the truth can be told: he fathered a child with a member of the household staff (shades of DSK). Cue "The Fornicator" jokes:

Former California Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger has acknowledged that he fathered a child with a member of his household staff, a revelation that apparently prompted wife Maria Shriver to leave the couple's home before they announced their separation last week.

Schwarzenegger and Shriver jointly announced May 9 that they were splitting up after 25 years of marriage. Yet, Shriver moved out of the family's Brentwood mansion earlier in the year after Schwarzenegger acknowledged the child is his, The Los Angeles Times reported Tuesday.

"After leaving the governor's office I told my wife about this event, which occurred over a decade ago," Schwarzenegger told the Times in a statement that also was sent to The Associated Press early Tuesday. "I understand and deserve the feelings of anger and disappointment among my friends and family. There are no excuses and I take full responsibility for the hurt I have caused. I have apologized to Maria, my children and my family. I am truly sorry.

The love child was born 10 years ago, which predated his disappointed term as governor. Turns out that the one thing he managed to accomplish during his seven years in Sacramento was keeping the lid on such an explosive story. The LA Times must kicking themselves today. They were writing these lame screaming headlines about "groping," while Arnold's secret child was going about his/her business right under their noses.

The "staffer," btw, continued to work for the Schwarzeneggers until January of this year when she retired. She also claimed that her husband was the "real" father, which means another family is breaking up today.

Schwarzenegger's term as governor was a disaster for the state and the GOP because he campaigned as a fiscal conservative and governed as a profligate member of the bi-partisan party of government. Now he's provided the left with yet another entry on the sarcastic "Party of Family Values" list. Thanks a heap.

UPDATE: Althouse is skeptical that Maria Shriver could not have known about Ah-nuld' affair and child until now. Hey, maybe they live in a really big house.

UPDATE 2: I've been hearing/seeing a lot of Edwards/Ah-nuld comparisons out there. I'll bet most people probably think John Edwards is "smarter" than Schwarzenegger, but (1) at least the Governator didn't bear a love child during one of his campaigns* and (2) Schwarzenegger managed, against all odds, to keep an explosive story like this hidden until he could reveal it at a time of his choosing, that time apparently being after the end of his political career when he wanted to get his wife out of his hair. Cold? You bet. But not dumb.

*yeah, yeah. That we know of...

Kobe Beef: Did The Head Of The IMF Really Rape A Hotel Maid?

Much as I would like to believe that the "socialist" (as if he could survive 5 minutes under real socialism) head of the IMF actually sodomized a hotel maid yesterday...I find it hard to believe.

The arrest in New York of one of France’s leading global figures and a possible next president, Dominique Strauss-Kahn, on charges of attempted rape produced an earthquake of shock, outrage, disbelief and embarrassment throughout France on Sunday.

The country woke up to the tawdry allegations that Mr. Strauss-Kahn, 62, a leading Socialist and the managing director of the International Monetary Fund, had waylaid and tried to rape a maid in a $3,000-a-night suite at a New York hotel, and the reverberations were immediate.

The government of President Nicolas Sarkozy responded cautiously, saying the presumption of innocence must be maintained and the courts must be allowed to do their work, while the leader of the Socialist Party, Martine Aubry, admitted that she was “totally stupefied” by the charges against the man who had been considered most likely to bring her party back to power in next year’s presidential elections by defeating Mr. Sarkozy.

DSK is no stranger to sex-capades, which I have discussed before. That's the magic of being a "socialist." You can live like an old-fashioned potentate, so long as you mouth the right words about equality and justice.

Still, a rape accusation is a harsh thing, something that has already ended DSK's career at the IMF and likely ended his political career as well. The details are so bizarre - supposedly a naked DSK entered the room, found the maid, and ordered her to give him a BJ (what, no teabagging?) - as to be almost incredible. If he really did do this, it can't have been the first time.

When Todd Met Sallie: Reinventing the Romantic Comedy

I keep hearing that the romantic comedy genre is "dead," or at least suffering from a downturn in inspired story-telling. The real problem is movie makers have not yet been able to adjust to the immense social and cultural changes that have flowed from the Crash of '08 and ensuing Little Depression. But, that may be changing. Just imagine the pitch session for this story of opposites attracting:

When they were top executives at Citigroup Inc., Sallie Krawcheck and Todd Thomson had a well-known rivalry.

Mr. Thomson, Citigroup's swaggering young chief financial officer, would regularly challenge Ms. Krawcheck's performance numbers during her presentations to the management committee, according to Citigroup executives. Ms. Krawcheck, the high-profile head of the Smith Barney unit, would visibly roll her eyes during Mr. Thomson's flashy speeches, in which he would sometimes wear a leather jacket and blare rock music. Both were part of the horse race to succeed Citigroup founder Sanford I. Weill as CEO.

Why, they're the perfect odd couple!

Naturally, he's got the "athletic good looks, a talent for dissecting balance sheets, and a flair for cultivating the rich and powerful" that we would demand for our romantic comedy bad boy, while she's the "studious" type who would be the adult in the room. I am picturing a Citigroup X-mas party, where Todd - no doubt fresh from shagging a secretary - tells Sallie to "loosen up, bay-be!" after which she snorts derisively and climbs into a helicopter taking her to another board meeting, followed by a lonely Christmas dinner from room service.

Of course, Krawcheck and Thompson are not actually involved with one another. Not yet anyway. Right now, he's trying to poach some of her employees for his new hedge fund, while she's going to court to stop him. In Hollywood they call this "Act One." More important, you've got a story that practically tells itself. She needs a man, while he needs someone to tame him. It's romance among the ticker tape while Wall Street burns down around them, and Sallie models one outfit after another (you don't really have a romantic comedy unless the female lead can credibly be called a "style icon"). Look for it in theaters February 2012.

Culling the Herd: HP Loses Its CEO

Groan. HP's hyper competent CEO Mark Hurd, who brought the company back from the post-Fiorina doldrums, has resigned due to "sexual harassment"

Hewlett-Packard Co. Chairman and Chief Executive Mark Hurd has resigned in the wake of a sexual-harassment investigation

The investigation began after an unidentified outside contractor revealed to H-P that she had had a close personal relationship with Mr. Hurd at a time she was providing marketing services to the company, said H-P general counsel Michael Holston in a conference call with reporters.

The company said the probe revealed that Mr. Hurd had filed "numerous" inaccurate expense reports. The company didn't reveal the nature or amount of the inaccurate reports, but Mr. Holston said some payments made to the contractor were questionable.

H-P said the probe found there was no violation of the computer giant's sexual-harassment policy, "but did find violations of H-P's standards of business conduct."

Chief Financial Officer Cathie Lesjak will be interim CEO. She has been with the company 24 years and financial chief since January 2007.

Now, details are sketchy, and this story is just breaking, but...we're all adults here. There was no "sexual harassment" worth investigating. There was a short affair between Hurd and an HP vendor, and Hurd compounded that wrong by apparently filing some improper expense reports, presumably for 4-star hotel rooms, and negligees. Don't try to dress this up as some kind of "sexual harassment" controversy. I'm not ready for Nineties nostalgia.

HP has struggled with keeping its CEO chair filled. Carly Fiorina famously lost her job after the disastrous Compaq merger. Hurd's predecessor Patricia Dunn resigned after ordering company PI's to spy on journalists, and even some HP board members. Hurd had seemed like a breath of fresh air, someone who looked after the basics: the bottom line and product development. Now he's gone in a blaze of personal stupidity and politically correct neo-puritanism.

Jet Set Junta: Naomi Campbell's Blood Diamond

This is the craziest story of the week. Naomi Campbell is getting ready to testify at the war crimes trial of Liberia's ex-president Charles Taylor. His lawyers are, of course, resisting this mightily. Surprisingly, so is Campbell, at least initially. The issue is not war crimes, but blood diamonds. Prosecutors have accused Taylor of giving Campbell a (shudder) blood diamond. A minor illegality compared to the massacre of innocents, but the details are mega-juicy:

Prosecutors want to subpoena Miss Campbell to testify over claims she was given the "large" diamond by Taylor after a 1997 dinner hosted in South Africa by former president Nelson Mandela.

Blood diamonds, sometimes referred to as conflict diamonds, are diamonds mined in rebel-held regions of Africa used to fund war.

Miss Campbell's involvement in the case came after the actress and human rights activist Mia Farrow suggested that the supermodel had been given a diamond by Taylor.

Miss Farrow was also at the 1997 dinner at Mr Mandela's home, along with the singer Quincy Jones. According to Miss Farrow the supermodel revealed at the breakfast table that she received the gift.

Miss Farrow said: "You don't forget when a girlfriend tells you she was given a huge diamond in the middle of the night.

"She said that during the night some men had knocked at her door, and it was representatives of President Charles Taylor, and that they had given her a huge diamond. And we're like, 'oh, my gosh.' All I thought was, gosh, what an amazing life Naomi Campbell has.

Read that again. Charles Taylor* and Naomi Campbell were at a party hosted by Nelson Mandela with Mia Farrow hovering in the background like a mother hen, and Quincy Jones on the bandstand. The rich really are different from the rest of us. The linked article says Campbell has tended to react angrily to questions about the diamond. Campbell claims that "some men" came to her bedroom and gave her the diamond on behalf of Taylor. Yeah, right. Is there any doubt that Campbell and Taylor had some kind of *connection*? Chicks dig jerks, after all.

*who was already known as a war criminal who had won an election with the rousing slogan "He killed my Ma. He killed my Pa, but I will vote for him"

Wedding Ring Blues: Chelsea Clinton's Big Day

Politico has the details on Chelsea Clinton's $2 million wedding. You may start making smirky comments about the "Party of the Common Man" riiiiiiiiiiiiiight nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnow:

The rehearsal dinner is reportedly taking place at the nearby Grasmere, a 525-acre estate boasting a Federal-period manor house with formal gardens, stucco guest cottages and a large stone barn complex. Another area manse rumored to be serving the family over the weekend will be Glenburn, where the Clintons aresaid to be staying over the weekend. Glenburn is the Rhinebeck home of Eric and Andrea Colombel. Andrea Colombel is the daughter of billionaire financier and longtime Clinton supporter George Soros.

Nice to see the Clintons are able to spend so much money after careers largely spent in "public service." Also nice to see a Soros connection. The Shadow Party lives!

Meanwhile, The Last Honest Newspaper has the juicy details about pre-wedding jitters:

CHELSEA CLINTON in full meltdown mode after severe panic attacks - that new hubby will be a cheater.

Panicky bride-to-be Chelsea Clinton is secretly undergoing emergency prenuptial counseling ordered by her mom Hillary, insiders say.

"Chelsea is a nervous wreck as her wedding approaches. She's terrified that she'll disgrace herself and her family," a Clinton family friend told The ENQUIRER.

The 30-year-old former first daughter is set to wed Wall Street-er Marc Mezvinsky in a $1 million dream wedding on July 31 at the Astor Courts, a 50-acre private estate in Rhinebeck, N.Y. But now she's having second thoughts.

"Chelsea never wanted a royal-style wedding with hundreds of guests. Now, she's scared to death she's going to freak out," said the source.

Panicking, in full meltdown mode, Chelsea reached out to her mother Hillary on her top secret emergency number as she met foreign leaders in Europe.

Gee, what would make Chelsea so sensitive about the possibility her husband might cheat? Remember how people used to say Bill Clinton's cheating never hurt anybody? Yeah, if you don't count his daughter. Nice.

Oh, and I would say the odds of the future Mezvinsky-Clinton straying are sky high. Chelsea may not see them, but there are red flags waving wildly. Let's us count them:

1. Mezvinsky is an investment banker

2. Mezvinsky is an investment banker for Goldman Sachs

3. Mezvinsky spells his name "Marc" with a "c"

4. Mezvinsky looks like he spends his weekends wearing his Yankees baseball cap backwards.

5. His dad is a former big-shot Democrat congressman who was later convicted of fraud. In other words, dad is a charming rogue.

6. His mom is a glamorous news babe who later entered politics as a tax raising liberal Democrat. (What an unusual career arc!) Undoubtedly a major league MILF at Marc's high school.

7. Can you say "separated at birth?"

8. Chelsea's a nice kid (well, woman) but she's got the classic look of the Playa's Wife. Cute enough, but she's also got the combination of loyalty and insecurity that Levi Johnson-types find to serve as their anchor. She might kick him out of the house, but will always take him back.