Sotto Voce: What If Romney Loses?

Like most evil right-wingers, I find it hard to believe that Mitt Romey could possibly lose the election this Tuesday, but here are some of the things I might be muttering under my breath should Obama squeak out a win with a mandate based on "binders/birth control/Big Bird/Benghazi-gate:"

1. The GOP really is the Stupid Party.

2. Winning debates and "looking presidential" don't mean s***.

3. If Republicans can't win with a brilliant, articulate, data master like Romney, we might as well stick with our gaffe-intensive evangelicals and Texans.

4. We had an incredible foreign policy debacle with the murder of our ambassador and the virtual abandonment of a dozen staffers, plus a cover-up featuring bald-faced lies by the president on down, and the best Romney could do was a hurried "fact check" during the second debate???

5. I mean, you don't have to go out there and talk about drones, and Catherine Herridge, and "layering the target," but, jesus, run an ad or two!

6. The only possible excuse is that Romney learned that there was some brilliant, but classified, "eyes only" reason for the president to act the way he did, and that behind the scenes Obama was weeping in Romney's arms over the anguish of it all.

7. Years of high unemployment, spiraling debt, government take-over of health care, Israel kicked to the curb, cash-for-clunkers; plus, Obama broke his fundamental 2008 promise to govern as a pragmatic moderate; but apparently if you stroll through hurricane damage with Chris Christie for an afternoon, that's enough to restore your "presidential" luster.

8. To paraphrase the Free Will Brother ca. November 6, 2008: "I'm very disappointed with the American People."

9. Then, what the heck was the 2010 mid-term election all about?

10. We're gonna need a bigger boat