Tyger, Tyger Burning Bright

In the forest of the night. Hoo-boy. I think America has heard plenty of songs of innocence and experience this week: Tiger Issues Web Statement: I am Far Short of Perfection

"I have let my family down and I regret those transgressions with all of my heart," Woods said on his Web site. "I have not been true to my values and the behavior my family deserves. I am not without faults and I am far short of perfect. I am dealing with my behavior and personal failings behind closed doors with my family. Those feelings should be shared by us alone.

This is all surprising, yet strangely unexpected. Is there a billionaire professional golfer out there who doesn't have floozies batting their eyelashes in their general direction? You would really need the eye of the Tiger to resist that level of temptation. And, I hate to bring up more dirty laundry. but the three ladies we know about now aren't Tiger's only "transgressions." They are simply the three who were flakey/indiscreet/attention-seeking enough to cap off their affair with the world's most famous golfer by indulging in a tabloid meltdown. Tiger's probably lucky he didn't end up in real trouble like Bill Clinton, Kobe Bryant, or Steve McNair.

Actually, I should be fair and point out that the first mistress, Rachel Uchitel, continues to deny all. Her denials, however, are getting a little too... adamant to be believed: Tiger Woods Alleged Mistress: Drug Abusing Hookers Made Up Affair Story

Uchitel -- who is reported to have bragged to pals about her fling with Woods, 33 -- says an unidentified acquaintance who's spreading the rumors was allegedly paid $25,000 for her story and is also out for revenge.

In an interview, Uchitel also says "the things that were said from the source in the Enquirer are, in fact, not true. The fact that [the source] took the polygraph is a lie in and of itself. The girl's lying."

"She had a personal reason to make this up," Uchitel also tells the Post. "She got herself invited on a trip that I went on [to Europe]. She conducted herself in a manner that was so embarrassing that the trip ended after a day. It was a total nightmare. I saw her again last week in Vegas. I was embarrassed by her behavior. She fell down the stairs at the restaurant because she was so wasted. She's a train wreck."

When asked about what her connection with one of the sources is and what happened on the vacation, Uchitel tells the Post: "She was just a roommate of a friend who got invited at the last minute. This guy at the hotel gave her 3,000 euros to go upstairs with him, and then basically got the money back because two minutes into whatever they were doing, she passed out from too manyQuaaludes.

"The guy came downstairs and was like, 'Rachel I don't know you, but you brought hookers here, and they are not even like hookers? This girl passed out on my bed, it was like gross. Like, who are these people?'

"And I was like, 'Oh, my God, I am so embarrassed, I am so sorry.' The whole thing got really weird. "She's just a total train wreck, this girl...."

Uchitel says the other person involved in spreading the rumors is the unidentified acquaintance's "wicked little friend," whom Uchitel claims also "got $25,000" for the story. The other woman involved "is just looking for a payday because she is a f- - -ing hooker and wants money," Uchitelsays. "She just got a little smart for once and put some things together she could use for a story."

Uchitel says that because she handles VIP clients at a New York nightclub, the two women "heard me say Tiger's name a bunch" and "probably misinterpreted" what they heard "because they are on so many drugs and just stupid."

I believe the part where it says she bragged about the affair to her friends.

The above is probably more embarrassing than the voicemail message now playing all over the web ("Hi, this is Tiger..."). Tiger wasn't exactly hanging out with the Smart Set when he was stepping out on his wife and kids.

There have been signs over the last couple years that things weren't going well for Tiger: his play diminished in the wake of his knee surgery; he missed cuts at major tournaments that were once automatic; he frequently lost his temper on the golf course (something that the cameras discreetly cut away from). He may have thought he could keep his public face (golf + wife) separate from his private one (International Lover!), but the two were clearly interacting in ways that eventually affected the quality of his game. At least Tiger's young. He doesn't have to end up like the middle aged Gary Harts and Elliot Spitzers, pathetically pleading for forgiveness after cavorting with women young enough to be their daughters. Tiger can still learn from this and be a better gofer and person, if he wants to.